When being yourself becomes a problem
“Shyness is nice, and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you’d like to”, they sang The Smiths in their memorable 1987 ask.
One of the biggest difficulties of the spouses on the day of their wedding is that of being able to be photographed in moments of full expressive spontaneity that testify to the emotions they are experiencing. Why is it so difficult? Just for fear of not being able to.
The anxiety and fear of not being able to be themselves take over because feeling observed, framed, looked at is something that invades the sphere of confidentiality and modesty, which touches the most intimate part of the person. It is normal to feel a sense of shyness … an unease, an embarrassment, mixed with awe.
Added to this is the fear of not being up to it. In a world where appearing perfect seems to have the utmost importance, it is easy not to feel enough: not beautiful enough, not slim enough, muscular, tanned, smiling, fit. You are not satisfied with your image and you are ashamed. The fear of not being photogenic, or of being judged by others, recalls a constant ‘feeling imperfect’, unsuitable.
But that is not all.
There may be a deeper fear: that of being “laid bare” and being revealed as you really are. It is the fear of seeing oneself through the eyes of others and of finding perhaps the image that everyone has of themselves denied.
You become photogenic.
A beautiful portrait photograph is not an “objective” documentation of a person’s physicality, but must reveal his personal and unique beauty.
You become photogenic: what really matters is letting something of yourself shine through from an gaze, from an instinctive gesture. An emotion, a very small glimpse of the soul.
To do this, however, one must feel welcomed and immersed in an atmosphere of trust. This is why it is important to rely on the sensitivity of a photographer capable of understanding you, capable of looking at you and making you look with a different look, capable of grasping your most authentic beauty. Which is not the artificial perfection of advertisements or photos on magazine covers, but it is the truest part of us.
Being photographed with these criteria becomes a starting point to get to know each other and become aware of oneself and one’s potential.
The experience of wedding photography thus becomes a moment of exploration and analysis, an act of investigation, in which to lay bare oneself to discover a different reading of oneself. The final images will become traces of a unique moment: a day as protagonists, in which to learn to look different, overcome embarrassment, discover yourself better and, at the same time, true.
I’ll tell you a secret, it’s called empathy.
We opened this article with a quote and close it with a definition: “Empathy: in psychology, in general, the ability to understand another person’s mood and emotional situation, immediately, mainly without recourse to verbal communication “[Treccani].
Empathy is one of the most important elements of wedding photography and the basis of the Realwed method.
When I photograph, I put people and personal relationships first. I listen to them, I learn to know them, I share their story, their fears, their joy. I share with the spouses and their families a piece of the road, the one that leads to the yes day. And in this atmosphere of friendship, of harmony, the foundations of an empathic relationship, of trust, of mutual knowledge are created which allows the spouses to be relaxed and natural even in front of the camera lens and to rediscover themselves beautiful, happy, true .
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